Serial Killer University

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Dismemberment and Concealment

This is a hands-on course that shows the students the proper techniques of disemboweling, dismemberment, storage, and eventual concealment of the body. Student will learn the pros and cons of deferent forms of body concealment.

Creative Writing / Public Speaking

In this class we offer training in the arts of ransom note writing, leaving written clues that throw off the investigators, and hope to give a thrilling speech when you are finally caught by the cops.

Here is an example of a speech by one of our prize students Richard Ramirez "The Nightstalker":

"I love to kill people. I love to watch them die. I would shoot them in the head and they would wiggle and squirm all over the place, and then just stop. Or I would cut them with a knife and watch their faces turn real white. I love all that blood." -Richard Ramirez

Stalking and Abduction

This is a very diverse class that takes our student from the novice fundamentals of stalking a potential victim to the techniques perfected by such masters as Jack The Ripper and John Wayne Gacy.

Home Economics (Cooking Class)

Tasty treats are prepared every day in our home economics classes. Human flesh is turned into succulent treats such as "Liver with Farva Beans, and a nice Chianti", as well as Eyeball E'tufe, Cream of testicle soup, and Small intestine spaghetti. Mmmmmm, delicious!

Physical Education

Being in shape is one of the most overlooked attributes in the serial killer curriculum. This is where we separate ourselves from the other serial killer universities in this country. We pride ourselves in our ability to turn out some of the fastest runners, and most skilled obstacle course navigators in the world. You never know when you will have to outrun the cops through neighborhoods, over rooftops, or through a sewer system. This will prepare you for that eventuality.

 

 

 

 

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