War Bride (OGV, 98)
Starring: RANDY LEE, RAYLENE, SHELBEE MINE, TINA TYLER, CARESSA SAVAGE, STORMY GALE, JAIME, C.J., VIXON, GEORGE KAPLAN, STEVE HATCHER, ALEX SANDERS, BUCK ADAMS, JOHN DECKER, JOHN WEST, REO D'GENERO, RON JEEREMY.
Written and Directed by: Thomas Paine.
- OVERALL: * *
- SEX: * * * 1/2
- ACTING: * * * 1/2
- SCRIPT: * * * 1/2
- J.O.P.: * *
- FAST-FORWARDING: * *
- EDITING: * * *
I must say that I am very disappointed in War Bride. OGV has been pretty much doing us righteous with the movies they have been sending us, but this one really puts the kibosh on their string of pearls. The reason this video is so disappointing is because it has so much potential. The sex isn't bad, the women are beautiful, and there is a decently written script. So what's the problem? Fucking crying!! To quote Tom Hanks in A League Of Their Own, "There is no crying in porno!", OK, so he actually said "baseball", but I knew what he was really thinking.
The lead actress, Tina Tyler, plays a woman who's husband was killed in the war. What war? Who cares. First she dreams of his possible return and fucks her pillow in a dream sequence. Then after she realizes that the pillow isn't her husband, she begins to cry. Fuck man, crying in porno is one if the instant dick softeners. But perhaps this is the only scene that is occurs in, NOPE.
Every scene is wasted by crying. Would someone please tell the porn writers out there that it isn't a turn on to write a script about a woman so upset that she cries every two seconds. There is a very hot shower scene where Tina's two best friends try to console her, but this scene too is ruined by Tina's incessant wailing.
"So, do you and the wife do it doggy-style or what?"
Tina decides to throw herself into sex to get over her husband's death, but she doesn't enjoy the sex, and feels bad for having it. Once again causing her to, you guessed it, cry.
Even though the script is better than average quality for a porno, it isn't an erotic script. I guess the writers feel that just because there is sex in the movie it is erotic, one again, NOPE!
Like I said, the sex and the girls are good, but stay away if you care about the fact that main character doesn't enjoy her sex at all. Since she doesn't enjoy the sex, neither does the audience. - Piston Rod