Piston Rod's
TOXIC BRAIN WASTE!

"Who I am. What I think. Who I think about."
by
Piston Rod

Contents:

• The Unchain School For Serial Killers ^®
• Cerebral Vomit - random thoughts
• No Title, No Meaning - an original poem

Unchain The Underground is pleased to announce the creation of the Unchain School For Serial Killers ^®. The school has existed for may years, but this is the first time we are opening it up to the public via the Internet. Why would someone want to become a serial killer? Well, I'm glad you asked. Here are the top 10 reason some of our past graduates have given for wanting to become a serial killer.

Top 10 Reasons To Become A Serial Killer:

1) It's a wide open market. There is very little competition. If you are sick of going into interviews and having 20 or 30 other people up for the same job then look no further.

2) Very low overhead. It doesn't take much capital to get started in the serial killer business. You can start up your operation for pennies a day.

3) You get a cool title right from the beginning. Zodiac killer, Son Of Sam, Jack The Ripper, The Killer Clown, The Night Stalker, etc. These are all honored graduates of our school.

4) You will become famous, or at least infamous.

5) All the chicks you can grab.

6) People begging for their lives gives you a real boost to your ego.

7) Breakthroughs in the area of pain and suffering.

8) Creative freedom. Choose from any ethnic group, sex, or sexual preference to single out as your own personal vendetta. We encourage creativity.

9) Be your own boss. Nobody to tell you what to do.

10) Unlimited vacation time.

Now that you can see all the benefits of becoming a serial killer, why not join up. Registration is simple, just right a 300 word essay entitled "Why I Want To Be A Serial Killer" and email it to us here at Unchain. The first step is yours.

Cerebral Vomit

I learned all of life's lessons from watching The Brady Bunch:

- Not to play ball in the house.

- Not to put a whole box of laundry detergent into the washing machine at one time.

- When something is lost, Tiger took it.

- It's not right to fool Joe Nameth.

- Etc.

I'm pretty sure that the 11th Commandment is "Don't pierce your dick."

I'm so glad that that fad of women wearing black lipstick is over, god that look was bad.

Isn't it weird that in the Blair Witch Project one of the group had disappeared, they were being tracked by a group of undead kids, they had no food, and they were about to die, but they were really happy when the fat guy found a pack of cigarettes in his backpack "No, we are OK, we are OK, I found a pack of cigarettes in the bottom of my bag"... dumb asses.

The future Mrs. Rod.

If you had to fuck one of the Golden Girls, which one would it be? I'd pick Estelle Getty, the short old one.

Who's worse? Fratboys or White-trash?

I gotta tell you that the best rootbeer float is Eddy's Espresso Chip and A+W Root Beer. Fucking great. Even if you are not a fan of coffee ice cream, this concoction works so well, you will love it.

The good looking young male actors in the 80's vs. the good looking young male actors in the 90's:

- 80's: Matt Dillan, Tom Cruise, Timothy Dalton, Kevin Bacon.
- 90's: Leonardo DeCaprio, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon.

80's win hands down!

Female gymnastics is just wrong. I feel so dirty getting a boner over an 8 year old girl dressed in tights wiggling her ass to the song "Fever".

John Candy kicked Chris Farley's ass. Farley was good, but Candy was the master.

Isn't it weird how awesome Dr. Pepper is with pizza?

Is there ever enough Iced Tea?

Remember when Saturday mornings actually has good cartoons on it. I used to sit up the Friday night before the season premiere weekend and map out the cartoons I couldn't wait to see. They had cartoons on channels 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, and 11 from 7:00AM - 12:30PM or later. Now you'll be damned if you can find good cartoons on one station, let alone them all at the same time.

Jackie Chan, Alabama State Senator 1984-87.

Fuck anyone that doesn't like Jackie Chan.

No Title/No Meaning (another original poen by Piston Rod)

Strip-mine
Sublime
No Crime
This Time

Carry The Carcass
Split The Atom
And Cry For Freedom
In A World That's Not You Own

Be Happy
Feel Crappy
Not Sappy
Or Gay

Be Mad
Act Glad
It's A Fad
All The Way

Do The Deed
Sow The Seed
Kill The Words
Stop The Greed

Don't Do That
Don't Do What
That
OK

Oh, My Lord
I Am Bored
Feed The Cat
And Kill The Dog

Pee On The Paper
Kneel On The Floor
Were You Born In A Barn
Shut The Fucking Door

- Piston Rod