Pornogothic (Wicked Pictures, 1998)
- OVERALL: * *
- SEX: * * * 1/2
- ACTING: *
- SCRIPT: * *
- J.O.P.: * *
- FAST-FORWARDING: *
- EDITING: * * *
Starring: SERENITY, SHANNA McCULLOGH, ASIA CARRERA, MISSY, KATIE GOLD,STEPHANIE SWIFT, SYDNEE STEELE, AZLEA ANTISTIA, REBECCA LORD, BRAD ARMSTRONG, ALEX SANDERS, JOHN WEST, MICKEY G., IAN DANIELS, DAVE CUMMINGS, STEVE HATCHER
Directed by: JONATHAN MORGAN
Three words come to mind when I think of Pornogothic:
"Big budget bust." Has a nice ring, eh?
Wonderful cast, huge budget, and a big fucking bomb of a movie. Somebody PLEASE remind Jonathan Morgan that he is directing a PORNO, not some shitty USA Original Series. The ratio of sex to straight scenes in this film is pathetic. If Morgan wants to make a crappy B movie, let him make one, but he has to realize that making a crappy B movie and throwing in some hardcore sex scenes does NOT make a good porno, and any mainstream film power that sees this poor excuse for a porno is not going to say "My! He has some remarkable directing talents!! Perhaps we should consider him to direct our next shitty USA Original Series." Instead, he'll be sitting there with his dick in his hand and his other hand on the remote pushing the fast forward button saying "This porno sucks!!"
To their credit, the cast does a good job. There is some good sex in here. Some potentially GREAT sex that is destroyed by piss poor direction and editing, but you don't blame the paints that an artist smears into shit on a canvas. The first scene features Stephanie Swift and Brad Armstrong in an assembly-line hump that ends well, with Armstrong fucking Stephanie's petite mouth full force. The last moments of the scene are wonderful as Stephanie takes Brad as far as she can go without batting an eye and then jerks him off to a spewing finish.
Old school goddess Shanna McCullough gets nailed by John West in a by-the-numbers, cookie-cutter scene that is not bad, but just that; by-the-numbers and boring. Not due to her abilities, which are strong, but weak direction. Shanna wasn't allowed to shine in this one, but she does rule on the whole!
Asia Carrera goes to waste in this film. She looks wonderful, has a so-so lesbian scene with the cute Katie Gold that features some nice power-playing, but not much else in the steam department. It is nice seeing two beauties going at one another, but the scene is uninspired on the whole.
"Serenity in the, uhhhh, 'getting boned' panties!"
Serenity provides the few honestly GOOD moments in Pornogothic, taking Rebecca Lord and Alex Sanders on in a threesome in an alley in a scene that is far too short, but very good. Rebecca Lord is also impressive in the scene, but Serenity takes the cake (and cock) here. She looks stunning, fucks and sucks well, and shows that she is a true pro. Her scene with Brad Armstrong is the other high point of the movie. They tangle it up in a nice one-on-one with Serenity sporting a sinfully-innocent looking (pardon the paradox) white lace outfit and pony tails that make you want to really ream her brains out. Her character is the one well-played element of the plot, although the acting is awful, as she struggles against her vampire nature (the typical "love will win out over the beast" story) as she manages to suck blood (and cock) and still seem pure. This scene utilizes that to the maxmimum and it is quite effective. It is only Serenity's three scenes make it worth popping the tape back in the VCR.
In the third, Serenity bones the great Dave Cummings, a man that has to be at least in his late 50's, if not older. He is covered in white hair, balding, and out of shape. Serenity walks into his diner as it is about to close and winds up sucking and fucking for her dinner, and Mr. Cummings goes down and eats her snatch. A hell of a scene considering this guy could be Archie Bunker. My respect goes to Serenity for doing the scene and to the AARP member for keeping it up!
Perhaps the greatest travesty in modern porn is the orgy scene in pornogothic. Most of the cast is here... Asia, Stephanie, Shanna, Missy... the list goes on. The sex is great. The editing FUCKING BLOOOOOWWWSS!!! You don't see any single act for more than a handful of seconds. It is so choppy and random that the scene is COMPLETELY destroyed and what would be a wonderful, magnificent orgy is reduced to a short cut-and-paste mess that does nothing but infuriate. Someone's fingers should be broken for this one. Asia looks so good, and the gratification of seeing her fuck after watching her lick with Katie Gold and strut around in all the crappy no-sex scenes is flushed down the toilet with out even wiping the ass. There is a lot of partner switching and variety, and the sex looks strong, but the scene completely fails to deliver. This is like sitting me down in front of what I understand to be a 9 course meal and when I take the lid off each dish there is just one bite there. A big FUCK YOU to whomever is behind the mauling of that scene. It actually pissed me off, and I am getting mad now just thinking about it.
There is one great scene in the dialog where a vampire chews out (no pun intended) a trendy little "vamp-gothic" douche, but besides that all the crap in between should have been flushed just as the orgy scene was. With the exception of Serenity's character, the plot does little to add to the eroticism of the story, and the story itself, of love conquering evil, is one that has been told time and time and time again and much better. What they should do is make the director jerk off to his movie and see how it turns out. I predict a limp dick with this one. - Al Kikuras
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