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Starring: Charmane Star, Cheyenne Silver, Jewel Valmont, Barrett Moore, Dolly Golden, Ian Daniels, J.J. Michaels, Nick East, Randy West, Lexington Steele
Directed By: Jerome Tanner
As a reviewer of porn it is my responsibility to be opinionated. And pathetic. But I don't think I'm supposed to dole out advice while being either. You're smart people; I know because you're computer users and dumb
people can't type. Yet, I feel the need to offer some words of wisdom: If you're female and you look like Charmane Star or Cheyenne Silver, don't waste your time in porn movies most of us wouldn't want to waste our
time watching. You can do better for yourself dancing on the road or appearing in movies that don't star Randy West. Don't work on a lesser person's terms, don't eat suspect seafood, never bet on another man's
trick. And whatever you do, don't make a sequel to Nymph Fever.
“My bologna has a second name, it’s P-E-N-I-S...”
For a movie like this, plot is only a device to get from one sex scene to the next, and so I really don't have a problem with it's lame attempt at between-sex entertainment. To be
sure, it's a weak story about how military intelligence is foiled when high ranking officials begin to do some low ranking thinking. What's really working against it,
unfortunately, is what it's actually missing--heat. Yes, Charmane Star is a hot piece of ass, and Cheyenne Silver--caught here before her ascension to Vivid girl
status--is as genuinely pretty as a porn star can get. Yet, neither one deliver the goods. Their scenes, while technically hardcore pornography, never deliver anything a porn fan
who's seen a hundred movies hasn't seen a hundred times before. Neither of the two women appear to be attracted to the men they're having sex with, which isn't much of a
surprise, but the men don't seem to be into it much at all, either. And that's what caught me off guard. After all, have you seen either of these two girls?
Ian Daniels and J.J. Michaels are two army recruits who double team Charmane Star who later must get herself and her two lovers out of trouble when all three are caught by
General Nick East. Between you and me, J.J. Michaels creeps me the hell out. I think he reminds me of a fetus. And while a beautiful woman taking dick from both ends is
usually a good idea, here it becomes monotonous. Director Jerome Tanner apparently was on a tight schedule. Here, and in other scenes, you'll often see the backs of
performers heads when there's so many other parts of them that could better be captured on camera. Later, when Star fucks herself out of trouble, it's with pentagenarian
Randy West, which doesn't do much to heat things up.
“So do you and the wife do it doggie-style or what?”
Since watching the extras on Shane's World 19, when Cheyenne Silver inexplicably begins to cry, I've always felt a certain degree of sadness when seeing her in movies. I'm
not so above my own primal urges that I can't also feel aroused, but her paint-by-numbers affair with Nick East in this movie doesn't do much to brighten my mood. I like Silver, I just don't like her here.
As for the other sex scenes, theres a throw away coupling with Jewel Valmont and Lexington Steele, and a three-way with Barrett Moore, Dolly Golden and the venerable Randy
West. Neither one offers much in the way of heat, and so the entire feature seems to be less than its parts could have made it.
All is not a complete lost, however. Funny that a movie that doesn't put much effort into being a movie, does a passable job with extras. There's nothing here that's going to win
any awards, but I liked that Legend included behind the scenes footage from their other releases instead of trailers. As always, I'm more interested in performers being
themselves than seeing them actually perform, and this is a good way to get my attention.
Two blondes DO make a right...
Again, Charmane Star is great to look at, and Cheyenne Silver is as pretty as you're going to find. That, I suppose is something positive to say about this mess. Still, if you're a
a die- hard fan of any one of the girls in this movie, then there's probably not a whole lot I can say to discourage you from buying it or renting it. That's your choice, though I
think there are better choices to be made.
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Buy it. Go ahead. Waste your money.
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