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 Fuck Me Like An Animal
Review and captions by dumblonde
Category: fetish
Director: R U Kidding
Running time: 1 hr.22 min.
Date of Production: anyone's guess
Female cast:
I have no idea
Male cast
Not a clue, but I did recognize Dave Hardman
Audio/Video: The video varied with each scene from poor
to passable, and the audio was fine.
Extras:
Please. There are five or six annoying phone sex ads up front, so in that they delay the start of this movie, I suppose they could be considered extras.
General comments:
Catchy title, huh? Even catchier was the box cover. Have you ever seen those titles that suggest bestiality, and even have photos of horses, as well as promises of "censored
farm acts" etc?
I don't know who this is, but she was kinda scary.
Well, I'm a little upset for being misled, frankly. This is false advertising, at the very least. WHERE was the horse that was pictured, it certainly wasn't in the movie! And when I
see 'censored farm acts' prominantly displayed on the front and back, is it asking too much to actually expect to see these in the movie? And what exactly ARE "farm acts",
anyway? If regular blowjobs are now considered farm acts, well, there were plenty of those, I'll admit. But what REALLY ticked me off was the pregnant farmgirl, advertised as being
9 1/2 months pregnant, who said she was only 81/2 months pregnant!
Before you think I've lost my mind and sunk to a new level of depravity, let me explain. I have asked Steph to send me
any bizarre stuff that other reviewers might pass on. I'm no prima donna, and I've got an open mind and a strong stomach. However, I think she might be afraid that I would
offend some studios and viewers by intentionally making fun of their offering and using it for cheap laughs. Can you imagine? So, I picked this one up on impulse, and yes, paid a
full $3.95 for it, thinking that it would be so bad that it might make a funny review...er...well, I was curious too, having seen similar titles advertised, about just what they could be
referring to, since I knew it couldn't be bestiality (and this should go without saying, but no, I am not into that at all).
Well, I've got good news and bad news, depending on how you look at it.
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Hardman finally gets in the backdoor.
For any sick fucks (yeah ok, that's a judgment, sorry) expecting to see this very pregnant "farm girl" strapping on any farm animals, you will be very disappointed, but you will
see her in a seedy motel room, huge stretch marks and all, masturbating half-heartedly. It also had stated that she 'squirts', and yes, we see her squirt some pre-loaded stuff
out of her pussy. Milk, probably, that would establish some farm connection. Fast forward through this first scene, and thankfully the rest of this flick is nothing more than standard
crappy sex. Oh, it was bad, just not quite bad enough to be humorous. Or maybe I'm just not in the mood.
There was NOTHING in this compilation that had anything to
do with farms or animals, even remotely. There was not even an outdoor scene of any kind. I had braced myself for the worst, so please don't take that as an actual endorsement.
The next scene involved a blowjob. What can you say about a blowjob that hasn't already been said? One thing: at least in this one, she got him off all on her own, and gave herself
a facial, which is rare in porn. And pretty much non-existant anywhere else.
There was a 3-way in some kind of classroom setting that was nothing to write home about.
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Yep, I'd say she's pregnant alright, but 9 1/2 months? What was THAT about?
The scene between Dave Hardman and some blonde was surprisingly quite warm. She was nice and quiet (except at the end) and that always gives it more intensity and realism.
After some tabletop missionary, Hardman had a tough time inserting himself in her ass, even gently. He must have used a whole bottle of lube, before finally getting in there.
The next scene was between some unattractive chick with a large tattoo on her belly, painted on eyebrows, and a funny hairdo. I don't believe I ever saw the guy's face, which was
okay by me, she was scary enough. They did it missionary, R/C, and anally.
The last scene was of another blonde and a blowjob. Yawn.
I decided not to show her face, figuring the kid will probably be on the net looking for porn by age 3
Why they so creepily give it this bestiality facade is beyond me, but I would assume they sell more that way, which alone is rather troubling. Something tells me that they don't
have a long- term business plan anyway, so I'm sure they will continue to throw these things together and pander to the lowest common denominator. I will NOT be purchasing
Fuck Me Like An Animal #2 if and when it comes out.
I have seen worse, for more money, but just the inference they give these titles makes me sick. Shame on you, Nymph.
Condoms:
Just on the horse (kidding)
Want to get fucked (not in the good way)? Buy it.
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