Crack Pack (Presitge Video '98)
Starring: FELICIA, BROOK, HEATHER RIVER.
- OVERALL: *
- SEX: n/a
- ACTING: *
- SCRIPT: n/a
- J.O.P.: 0 (to a person with a non-spanking fetish)
- FAST-FORWARDING: *
- EDITING: *
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Big Titty Car Wash is not a spanking fetishist and is reviewing Crack Pack from the stance of someone who does not have a thing for spanking! If spanking IS your thing, you might want to check this out for yourself.
For starters, I'd like to say I am a fan of fetishes. I find it extremely interesting that what might be "normal" or unexciting to one person is incredibly exciting to another. So when I was asked to review Crack Pack I was at least a little bit curious about what I was going to see. I don't think someone who has a spanking fetish could watch this without vomiting. There is absolutely no development in the scenes at all. In fact, the spanking that is going on (I don't know if you could call it a spanking) is so light that their asses barely even get red. Any good dominatrix will tell you the appeal of the flesh is that it changes color when used or abused. The highlight of the entire movie is when Brook fingers herself while she is being spanked. Think about that, there are two girls pleasing her and she has to finger herself to get off. PITIFUL!!!!!!
Two out of three of the girls are very cute, but there is an obvious lack of enthusiasm, experience, and eroticism. What the movie led me to believe is perhaps these girls were strippers trying to supplement their income, so they heard how they could make some quick money without actually doing anything... and they did. What I got to say to strippers moonlighting in my beloved porn is STAY OUT if you are just looking for a paycheck. There are some people in this business that want to make a good porno. There are some people who actually enjoy fucking, you don't. It's not my fault your dad sexually molested you.
On the box of Crack Pack it says "Rated RX - A prescription for boredom." Absolutely right, watch this and you'll be bored out of your fucking mind.
The only redeeming quality of this movie is that at the end of it there is a spanking fetish film preview with Rodney Moore. You could see the grill marks on the girl's ass (if you know what I mean). Unfortunately, it was just a preview.
So in closing I would like to say, porno isn't for everybody. It isn't for my mom. It isn't for my grandma, so please, please, please stop making movie with them in mind. I wanna jerk off! - Big Titty Car Wash