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Porno Reviews

This edition's Wankie Award® Winners are....

To view the reviews by company, use the following links, or just scroll down to read them all:
Wicked Pictures | OGV/Private |JM Productions/Legend Video | Astral Ocean | Sin City | Zane

Click the title of the film for ordering info and, in most cases, to view the box cover, a description and the cast listing (it will pop up in a new window - just close that window to get back to the reviews!). All movies are rated on a scale of 1-5 stars; 1 being downright lame and 5 a nut-busting delight!


WICKED

A scene from The Shark

Serenity shines once again in Wicked Pictures' The Shark (****1/2). Not being the biggest Serenity fan, I must say that someone has lit a fire under this girls ass in the last few movies we have gotten from her. She seems to have new passion that has been missing from most of her movies of late. Serenity's boyfriend (Mickey G.) gets shellacked by this poker playing card-shark, and it's up to Serenity to get the money back. First she uses sex, and then she uses poker. The real reason this movie is a must-see is because of the wonderful legendary sexual performer Nina Hartley who's scenes in this movie are some of the best of the year. Nina looks better now than she has ever looked. She is like a fine wine, she gets better with age. Nina added an extra point to this movie's score. An interesting movie with a little too much dialogue, but not bad. It's interesting, and like I said before, Serenity looks hot, and fucks half-way decent for a change. Way to go Serenity, now all you gotta do is learn how to act.

Sex Safari (***1/2) from Wicked pictures is a feast for Stephanie Swift fans. You won't get more Stephanie bang for your buck than in this gallery of carnal adventure. Stephanie is an adventurer out to find the best sex on earth, and you are along for the ride. Stephanie visits England, Japan, Egypt, along with other exotic places. I particularly like the scene in England where Stephanie and a friend seduce two palace guards that must remain perfectly still. The settings add a lot to the sex. The different locations add a bit of a variety that you don't usually see in wall-to-wall movies, and Stephanie really seems to be having a lot of fun dressing up in the different costumes. A little more plot would have given this wall-to-wall feature a little more juice and the sex could be a little hotter, but if you are into Stephanie Swift then you will not mind at all. I run hot and cold with Stephanie myself, I like this picture more than the last few I've seen with her. I just think I'm just in Stephanie overload I guess.

OGV/Private

Rodney Moore, now here's a guy who has mastered the art of good cock/bad cock, which translates into: act nice and then filth 'em. The box for Creme de la Face #32 (****) from OGV advertises over 500 served and #500 is Lauryl Canyon, who supposed to be an erotic robot and will be the 500th Rodney blast survivor (take a load in the face). The robot comes complete with a remote control with 5 settings: dominatrix, slavegirl, nasty slut, dumb blonde, and sweet and shy. The different settings are all portrayed at the touch of a button by Lauryl (Let's see Meryl Streep do that shit) This movie also has Bianca Trump, another ghetto favorite who fucks Rodney and of course takes the blast. The last couple of Rodney Moore movies I've received I've really enjoyed. Good show old boy, and that's a really cool hat.

Rodney Moore also checks in with The Return Of The Cumm Brothers # 22: Moo Goo Guy Panties (****). Rodney really is the hardest working man in porn. Good for him, and good for us, because almost every one of his films is a lot of fun, and this one is no exception. The Cumm Brothers are loose once again, and there is no stopping them. Whether they are at a new Chinese restaurant ordering the "Moo Goo Guy Pussy" or using acupuncture to increase their sperm count, and then testing it out on lovely Rosie Rocket, you know you are in for a good time. Check this one out, just the fact that Rodney can continue to come up with these original ideas all the time makes him a god in my eyes. You go Rodney.

Peepin' Tom 17 (*) from OGV is a boring popular tripe style of porn with a bunch of big names. No substance, one scene after another of the same thing, Just inset different people. Sort of easy listening porn. A waste of hot girls and guys with big dicks. They're lucky they get one paragraph. Oh, I just had a thought, this might be a good porn to watch with your girlfriend if she's never seen a porno before or has no imagination.

JM PRODUCTIONS/LEGEND

Nymph Fever (****) from Legend has a really good feel to it. It has the corny, simple plot, and direct sex of the old school porn I love. The story is that "nymph fever" is running rampant through this army base, and everyone is catching it. Of course the only way to get it is through direct contactŠdirect sexual contact. That's the type of porn I like: cheesy, fun, simple, and sexy as hell. Director J. Tanner has really crafted a very well done piece of porn here. The women are all extremely beautiful, especially Charmane Star and Cheyenne Silver, two of the sluts that bring this disease onto the base. Randy West is also extremely entertaining as the general who is the last to succumb to this plague, and who all along is denying that it even exists. Hot girls, cool plot, and great sex add up to one very enjoyable feature.

Hot women, lame sex. That can be said for most of the movies being made by The Pussyman (David Christopher) these days. The women in Decadent Divas (***), from Legend, are so hot that it hurts to look at them, and at the hands of someone different this could be a really great movie. As it is, I am just pissed off once again at the fact that David Christopher has wasted such wonderful talent. This is an all girl movie, and for guys out there that like this type of thing (I am NOT one of those people), this might be right up your alley. Like I said the girls (Taylor St. Claire, Lisa Belle, Petra, Chandler, Envy, Charlie, Mikki Taylor, Chelsea Blue, and Natasha Blake) are all top-notch beauties. If you are interested check it out on the beauty recommendation alone.

Rodney Moore is one of our favorites here at Unchain.com. Creme de la Face and I Swallow being very enjoyable series' that always make us happy when they arrive. Unfortunately Rodney also does a series for Visual Images/Legend called Cum Stoppers. It must be that Cum Stoppers has a much smaller budget than Rodney's OGV masterpieces because the girls here are just plain fugly. Cum Stoppers 18 (**) features some of the most put of shape porn princesses that have crossed my desk. It's too bad too, because the patented Rodney Moore gimmicky set-ups that we have all come to love is still here. Rodney has a real gift when it comes to creating silly set-ups that work perfectly to create a very erotic situation. Check out some of Rodney's other great works Creme de la Face, Cum Brothers, Cum Sistas, and I Swallow, but skip Cum Stoppers 18. It's just not worth the trouble.

Extraordinary Pictures has not been very high on our lists over here at Unchain. Most of their products are not very well done. A lot of the time the girls are second rate at best, but I guess their budget is getting bigger because they have bought themselves some very beautiful women in Gina (***1/2). The plot is basically non-existent, but the girls look so good, and they sex is hot enough to keep you entertained if you are stuck for a movie to get. Gina Ryder (the star) is a very attractive, big chested brunette that knows how to fuck. Inari Vachs (the hardest working girl in porn at the moment) looks great as always, as does the beautifully big tits on Kelly Orion. The one big problem is that Kelly doesn't get fucked in her scene. That pissed me off a lot at first, but I got over it enough to realize that this is a decent movie anyway.


A scene from Gina.

I've said in the past that I love black women, but for the most part black porn is underfunded so they don't get the really hot black chicks. Well, JM has done it again. Once again they succeed where others fail: an all black porn that kicks ass. The first scene in Bootylicious - Raise Da Roof (****) is this guy showing real estate to two potential buyers but then he has to go and leaves the two buyers in the capable hands, mouths, pussy, and ass of his assistant Sinnamon. The two guys invite her to a party, but then say she can only come if she proves herself, and believe me, godamnit she does. The second scene is at the aforementioned party with a girl doing a number on this guy. Good shit, real good shit. One more thing, in just about every scene during the sexual process these girls are required to "raise da roof", i.e. raise their hands in a rhythmic fashion as if they were pushing the roof off.

ASTRAL OCEAN


A scene from Skin: Maximum Perversion 11

One thing about Eurotique Entertainment/Astral Ocean is that their porn will never really shy away from fringes of what is considered good taste or risqué subjects. In Skin: Maximum Perversion 11 (***), our fine friends have decided to explore the erotic qualities of the fine art of woman lighting their farts. That's right, you heard me correctly. Women lighting their farts. The box boasts "The fires and gasses burn in the rectal kingdom. Flatulence sex oooo the smell and wetness of the moistening asshole." I can't say that I'm overly excited by this new winter sport, but hey when it comes to fetishes I stick with the more bizarre onesŠyou know like men and women having sex, guys sticking their dicks in girl's pussies, and of course women having orgasms, but I guess I'm just sick. All that aside, Maximum Perversions 11 has some very well done sex from Europe. You will be treated to young natural girls, and very little bullshit. You may already know that I am a very big fan of the porn coming out of Europe lately, and Astral Ocean is one of the great companies that keeps us well supplied.

Astral Ocean, again, are right on the crest of the wave when it comes to bringing European porn to the US. Anal Auditions (* *) features the same "horrid looking gentleman" from the first scene of Zane's Czech Cherry Poppers. He is the star in this particular feature. The big appeal of this one is that the girls all look REAL. No blown-up, silicone Barbie Dolls. While I do like that aspect of the film, the sex itself leaves a little to be desired and the movie gets a bit tiring as the setup for each scene is basically the same. When checking out the video on Gamelink.com, I came across the following description actually posted on the site and found it to be do damn entertaining that I had to run it here, word for word. Please note that all of the errors are not mine. This is EXACTLY as it appears on the site. Enjoy! "One of the hottest anal features ever made where tow of the horniest studs in Europe get to grope and probe super model caliber girls to see if their sphincters can take the butt tooling. So many scenes including the hottest redhead taking off her bra and musty panies, sliping their fingers in her ass to loosen it and then deflowering her burning butthole as she drainses the cum from their peeholes. They get tow tall thin beauties, true video virgins, with real bresasts having them strip and examing their cunt holes 0 performing first lesbianism fo rhte interivew and then sodomizing both in deep double peetrations - cream over the girl in the middle ages stocks - genital revealing leather stpapers, fondled with a whip and her rectum oily penetrated bowed in prayer, the cunt juices running down to her anal hole - Taboo cume ating in a public disco and more. You are the interviewer and every ass is yurs. Amazing perfection German edition."

A much more interesting film, Astral Ocean/Eurotique's Skin: Maximum Perversions 10 (* * * *) is quite the treat! Lots of S&M, leather and bondage. Women suck cock with wild abandon, take numerous sandwiches (dick in the ass, dick in the vagina at the same time), partner trading, anal sex... great stuff!! I am very into the whole idea of "free sex" in porn where people seem to be fucking just to fuck and REALLY enjoying it, and that is the key to the success of Maximum Perversions 10. Everyone seems to be having a great fucking time (literally) and it translates over to the viewer. Good flick and a fine example of how most European porn blows the US stuff out of the water.


A scene from Steet Meat 2

SIN CITY

Street Meat 2 (***) from Sin City is Michael Raven's chance to go crazy with his camera tricks and sexuality of the women he works with. Usually tame Raven lets it all hang out in this video. The sex is wilder and more interesting than anything he has put out before, and I must say I am happy with it. What Michael Raven lacks in talent he makes up for with hot women. You aren't going to go wrong with talent like Julie Meadows, Katie Gold, Charlie, or Mia Smiles. These girls are always easy on the eyes, and sexual vixens in bed. Lot's of anal sex and facial loads for fans of that type of excrement. Not bad for a couple of "loads" of fun.

ZANE


A scene from Japanese Cherry Poppers 2

Zane's Japanese Cherry Poppers 2 (* 1/2 ) was a hell of a disappointment. The girls, for the most part, are not all that hot attractive with one primary exception. Apparently, it is true that Japanese men have really small cocks. At least, the ones in this movie do. We are talking TINY peckers here when limp and not that impressive when erect, resulting in minimal thrusts which I think makes the sex pretty uninteresting to watch. It is humorous watching the couples go at it. Maybe it is a Japanese custom but it seems that most of the time the girls are doing all they can to avoid actually looking at their partners while in the midst of le' fuck. At the end of each scene they have a glamour shot of the girl from the preceding scene, turning around and smiling in the camera as her name is flashed across the bottom of the screen. It is pretty funny considering just 5 seconds before you were watching her having really lame sex and getting a face full of load. I could see how some guys with a thing for Asian women might dig this, but those of us into good sex would do well to look elsewhere.

Reviews by Piston Rod, Big Tittie Car Wash and Al Kikuras

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